I feel like I have nowhere to turn right now. My head is running a mile a minute and I haven’t had a good nights sleep in well over a week.
See, the thing is.. my eye doctor said I cannot go back to work ever. I was told to apply for a disability plan to which I was denied with their reasoning being that I did not work enough hours to pay into the plan to recieve benefits. Okay, so that makes sense except for the fact that I was born with the disability, and it’s been getting worse as the years go by.
I was told that if I want to get the disability plan I would have to go back to work to get enough hours to pay into it. This is approximately 4 yrs of full time, 40 hours per week, work. My doctor tells me if I do this my vision will deplete, leaving me blind, sooner rather than later.
My other option is social assistance through community services. I’ve contacted them because they have a disability plan but because I do not live on my own with Alyssa then I only qualify for just under $150. Wow, that’s alot to live off of. My medications for my eyes cost that alone…. so that’s not an option either.
So, my options so far are theses:
- Go to school, finish my degree and work at getting a career of interest.
- Work to get enough hours in for the disability plan
- Live off of assistance for the rest of my life (highly unlikely).
Each of these options have a lot of cons, for example:
- Going to school means student loans, and also the risk of going blind with all of the reading etc. if I go blind who pays my loans back? Also, I’d be left back where I am now.
- Working — again, the risk of going blind. I already have no vision in one eye. Is it really worth it?
- I don’t think I could ever sit on my ass and rely on a cheque at the end of every month. Not to mention who could live off of that amount?
One thing that goes with all of these options is that I also need daycare or a babysitter for Alyssa, I would need transportation as I do not have a vehicle and Matt works 6 months a year away.
It seems like no matter which way I turn there are numerous things that stop me from being able to make a decision. My doctor is pretty much against all of my options but how can I be expected to live off of nothing?
I am really under a lot of stress lately. I don’t know what to do or where to turn & i feel like I’ve exhausted every option. Anytime I try to contact placement agencies for work or look for help getting Alyssa into daycare they fall back on the “But your doctor said you can’t work” .. so who’s going to hire me?
Like I said, I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place. The only thing that’s keeping my sanity is my beautiful little girl and seeing her happy. I’m sure things will work out in the long run.. it’s just to try and make the best decision for myself. I cannot predict the future or when / if I will lose my sight completely… I just need some advice from someone other than family (because they have all sorts of opinions).
